30pm. I told Jan I will accompany her and will sit on a bench where I can see Mr B’s office pretending reading a book, I also told her to change the...dress not to wear school uniform so that she is not noticeable.The next day we did as planned, Mr B, was waiting at the door of his office, as soon Jan arrived he let her in and closed the door, the curtains were closed. They stayed inside for nearly one hour, then the door opened, Jan came out with a pansy bouquet, Mr B closed the door and stayed. Eventually I realized that dirty dining satiates a woman through a fantasy of being desperate and vulnerable, by linking her survivability to her man, by pretending these exotic foods must be consumed because that’s all he’s able to scrape together out there in the wild - and oh, how brave and manly he is for finding these foods for me!Yuck! Thinking about that food now makes my stomach clench. I’m older now, and my desires have changed. I’ve come to find the beauty in a simplistic meal, the. I saw a door. It appeared to be made from steel, it had a small window, but there was darkness on the other side of the door.I decided that since I could not physically leave my body, I would meditate and try to reach the Guardians. I remember they said I could visit if it were a dire emergency. I think this counts as an emergency. I could not get into position, but I lowered my head and quieted my brain. I stopped thinking about anything else and concentrated on the Guardians. I did this for. When I was dressed I went out front tosee my mom standing there with Ms. Ermantopz. I got in the car and wewent home, and for the first time I felt like it might just be possiblefor me to become enough of a girl to get by. I mean, Beth had seen menaked, and she didn't say anything, and that meant that I looked like agirl, at least to her. At home, mom told me to change if I wanted to,but it wasn't worth the effort, so I flopped down and watched sometelevision.After dinner, while mom and I were.
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