"You deserve it all," I tell her and I know it's a low blow, but I just need to see her look as weak as I do. I close the door as I see the pain wash ...ver her face. I stand there for a minute waiting for her to come after me, but she doesn't. Instead I hear the soft sound of my cousin crying and have never felt so ashamed of myself. I go back to my room and strip until I'm only in my boxers and fall asleep. ***When I look over at the clock it's 12:10 am and I'm completely exhausted, but snap. "I've never done it. But you know Janice Woodson? She says she did it with her boyfriend, Jimmy. She says it hurt at first, but then it was okay, and then more than okay. She says it's better if you have a lot of lubrication. Then it doesn't hurt so much at first. She says that if you go slow, if your guy is considerate, that you can do it with no problem that way." But...but...why?" I stuttered."Because you can't get pregnant that way, silly. She says she and Jimmy just had to do something. I had never laughed with anyone the way I did with her and no one had ever listened to me the way she did. We had met at a drawing class at the community college. She was filling a requirement, I was killing time. “I’m old enough to be your father.” “You’re thirty-one. My father’s forty-six.” “Biologically,” I explained. “I was twelve the year you were born.” She raised an eyebrow skeptically. “What difference does it make?” “Carmen, you’re awesome. But I was in a relationship with an older. In fact it was the only way I could see to get the job done. I left Caltort and Jagbac getting things ready and headed back to the ranch.Jortah had things rocking along in the training pen when I reached it. There was a mare in the chute and they were babying her into submission. The four wild stallions were bunched up together away from most everything else but I figured they could just wait until the rest were in the fold, so to speak.With nothing much needed out of me right now, I took a.
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